So the follow-up blog posts from my solo trip to California never happened. Oops - I was too busy having fun! But it was such a fun trip. I saw some friends, did my first solo road trip across California to Lake Tahoe, and even stopped by Sacramento and one of the Gold Rush towns on my way back to San Francisco. I saw so much in 4 days and I honestly cannot wait to do another solo trip again.
I've done a fair bit of traveling in the past few months:
- May - for my birthday I went to San Francisco, Lake Tahoe, Sacramento, a few of the Gold Rush towns. I also went to Monroe, CT for my friend's wedding which happened to fall on Memorial Day weekend
- June - I went back to Pittsburgh for a wedding. I also went to the Hamptons with my friends for a day trip. The South fork is so beautiful this time of year. Unfortunately we didn't make it to Montauk but I hope to next year
- July - I went to Disney (again!) but this time with the family. We just had a nice staycation at the Coronado Springs resort. We didn't go to any parks but just resort-hopped and relaxed by the pool. For one day we took a rental car and went to Cocoa Beach which was a nice little excursion.
In August, I will be traveling to Colorado again with the family so stay tuned for that in the next quarter update!
The biggest thing about this quarter has been that I finally started Zepbound. Oh my god, it has just been 2 months but this medicine has been life-changing for me. I have a whole separate blog about my Zepbound journey, but in a nutshell I can say that I have lost 18 pounds, no longer have food cravings/binge eating desires even when I am stressed, and am making healthier eating choices. This has been my biggest triumph of 2024. Thankfully I have no side effects from this medicine. I hope to stay on the 5mg dose until the end of my journey but time will tell. I am fitting into my clothes better and have started seeing changes to my face and back area already.
In regards to my job, I keep flip-flopping. The emotional side of me wants to stay in New York where I have all my friends and because I truly love my apartment and where I live. But the realistic, logical side of me knows that I need to move on, save money, and look towards the future. Living in Queens the rest of my life is not my future. My entire life until now, I have looked at my short-term goals and what I want in the moment. For once in my life, I want to start looking at what I want in the future and base my decisions off that. I have not started dating yet but my ultimate goal is to become a wife and a mother. I don't care about making my career or being a leader. I do not want work to be the center of my life. I don't want to look back when I'm on my deathbed and realize that all I did was work. I don't want to neglect myself and sacrifice my mental & physical well-being for this job.
Which brings me to my next point. I ran my finances and looked at all of my savings/retirement accounts and came to the horrific realization that I am not saving any money. I am wasting and throwing away my money. My living expenses are about $4,000 a month and my loan repayments are $2,650 per month. That is nearly my entire paycheck. Another $1000-2000 goes into bills, groceries, household expenses, excursions, etc. So that leaves nothing for my savings or retirement. The slap on the face is that I cannot put enough money aside to maximize my 401K. I felt so pathetic and small. I am only putting 5% of my paycheck into my 401K which is like nothing.
Annnnd that brings me to my next realization. I cannot keep doing primary care. I have tried so so so hard and changed so many things about the way I perceive and handle this job, but it is just not enough. I still have unhappy patients, demanding parents, and I'm working 10-12 hours a day with headaches after work. I am still setting boundaries but my boundaries are not being respected. There are days where I don't eat lunch because I am working through seeing patients. I just cannot keep living like this. Especially for garbage pay. I have been crying the past few days and coming to the realization that I am burned out, broke, and alone.
I asked for God to show me a sign for what I should do. I feel like this is a sign. I don't think I will be renewing my contract with my current employer. Unless they offer me a $40,000 salary hike which I don't think is possible. I have to be bold. I love where I live, I love NYC, and I love a majority of my patients. But I cannot keep beating myself to a pulp like this anymore. I am about 80% sure at this time that I will be pursuing locums in 2025. I think I will also take a break for the next year, make my parents house "home base", and try to regain some financial footing. My plan eventually is to move back to the NYC/NJ area but for now I need to just take a break for once in my life and just live. I want to travel, experience different places and cultures, love myself again. I have started the journey of loving myself this year and I feel like I'm kicking ass at my personal life goals for 2024. I think the next step is realizing that my career is suffocating me and taking a break.
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