It's been a while since I blogged. I'm currently sitting in one of my favorite cozy coffee shops in Pittsburgh so I thought I'd take some time today to recap how the first quarter of 2024 has been going so far. Technically, the first quarter would be from January - March 31st but I'll sneak April into the mix here too!
Overall the first four months of this year have been very insightful.
January and February sort of carried over from last year where I was thinking nonstop about my next career steps. I was battling a lot between staying at my current position vs. leaving at the end of the year to do locums tenens starting in 2025. It was a huge back and forth match that still plays in my mind until this day. I truly see the pros and cons of each and had a very tough time making up my mind. Moving is a huge jump. Not having a steady career path and trying something completely off the beaten path is a huge jump. I'm not sure if I'm ready to make such a big jump right at this point in my life with so many other moving variables that are more important like my physical/mental/financial health. Plus, I really love where I live and I cannot fathom the thought of moving at this point.
Ultimately, after a lot of internal debate in January and February and even some parts of March, I have decided to stay at my current position for now. I've realized that adding another laying of uncertainty in my life by doing locums is not the right thing for me at this time. However, I am keeping locums in my back pocket so that if something bad happens or shit hits the fan at my current job, I have an exit plan.
The biggest change I have seen in this quarter is my own mental thinking and my internal self-talk. I have stopped putting work at the forefront of everything. I no longer spend hours thinking over patients. I don't get upset if parents ditch me for another provider. I don't care if they come back 2 days later with a diagnosis I may have potentially missed. I don't let the fear of getting sued or having negative comments about me on the internet keep me up at night anymore. I have made a mental agreement with myself that I can only show up and do my best. And if that best is not good enough, then there is nothing more I can offer and it is up to the family to either accept me as I am or move on. No hard feelings. I don't think of patient "relationships" anymore, but instead of as a business contract. I provide healthcare services for them, and they fund my lifestyle and travel. It's as simple as that. Yes, some families are lovely and sweet and kindhearted and they mean the world to me. But detaching myself and seeing myself as a patient's doctor and not as their friend has really done wonders to help me separate work from my personal life. Like I definitely will show up and do my absolute best, spend as much time as I need to with patients, try to diagnose them accurately, follow-up as needed, and refer when I may not be sure what to do. But I am no longer bending over backwards trying to be their friend or make them like me or stay with me as a provider or something. Medicine is a business, and that is how I treat it nowadays. I come to work, give my 110%, do my best, complete all my tasks in a reasonable time frame...if that's not good enough for patients then so be it and they can try to find another provider who can serve them better than I can. At the end of the day, I collect my paycheck that allows me to earn enough money to pay my bills and enjoy my life as I should. It's funny because this type of thinking has made me a better doctor. I no longer come to work feeling scared or dejected. I come to work rejuvenated, ready to crack a few jokes with my patients, and provide the best care that I am capable of. Notes are being done on time, either after the patient visit or during my "lunch break" or worse case by the end of the day. Latest I have completed a note recently is 2-3 days later which is groundbreaking for me.
I have also created solid boundaries around work and personal life. Yes of course emergencies happen, but I only spend maximum 1 hour pre-charting at home, then spend my 8 hours at work, and then no more than 1 hour after work finishing my tasks. I dedicate just 1 day a week where I may have to spend another 1-2 hours finishing charts or doing a little follow-up but that is it. I cannot give any more of my life to work besides that. Again, emergencies happen but blocking my time off like this makes me have enough time to tend to my own needs and personal life, which only makes me a better doctor in the long run.
Other accomplishments I am proud of is that I finally went to the endocrinologist! I'm so glad I did because she is an excellent, amazing doctor and I learned that my thyroid levels are still not in therapeutic levels, which is probably contributing to the fatigue, weight gain, hair thinning, etc which I have been feeling. She also talked to me about Zepbound which I got authorized for but am waiting because sadly there is waitlist for these medications. More about that down below.
One of the biggest things I've added to my personal life is that I now make it a point to have at least 1 "vacation" on my calendar for every single month. Places I have gone this quarter:
- January - my first solo road trip to the Catskills and Hudson Valley in upstate New York . It was a gorgeous winter getaway.
- February - flew back home for my brother's 21st birthday and to spend some time with family
- March - this month involved a lot of traveling. First, I took a solo road trip to Morristown, NJ because I was considering moving there next year (no longer thinking about moving here, but more about that in another post). The following weekend, I drove to College Park, MD to tour the UMD campus with my family since my brother is thinking of going to graduate school there. It was a really cute college town and we even spent a few hours in DC which was fun. Lastly, I also went to my very first conference ever in March! Funny enough, it was in Disney Orlando and it so magical getting to stay at the Yacht Club resort which I normally couldn't afford without the discounted hotel prices. I learned so much at this conference and I got to spend some time at Disney alone, and a few days with friends at the parks. Expensive, but really fun vacation and a great way to kick off the spring especially with the Epcot Flower & Garden Festival
- April - my mom has been having a rough last few months with her job and health issues, so she flew up to New York for a weekend and we took a really fun road trip to Newport, Rhode Island. It was our first time there and we were blown away at how much there is to do here. We also had the best Asian food of our lives during one of our stops in Mystic, CT. Newport is such a cute quintessential New England town -- I will definitely come back sometime in the summer. Then the last weekend of the month (this weekend) I flew back to Pittsburgh for my brother's undergraduate graduation. My how time flies!
I love traveling so much and I'm so happy I've reignited my passion for it. Especially in this phase of my life where I'm single, I have nothing tying me down, and I have income to spend on good travel. I think that is part of what attracted me to locums so much. I have many more trips planned for this year including California, Lake Tahoe, the Long Island forks, Disney again for boo bash, and possibly even a trip to Europe sometime this fall. Planning trips is another reason I have been feeling so much better this year. I'm taking my first "big girl" solo trip across the country next month and while I'm nervous, I am also so super excited because this location has been on the top of my travel list for a while and I've always wanted to solo travel.
My relationship with myself and my "inner self-talk" has improved so much because I am doing things that enrich my soul and reinvigorate me. I am no longer stuck in a rut thinking about work all the time and letting that bring me down to the point where it crushes my self-esteem and my soul. I am rebuilding my self-esteem and confidence little by little, and learning about who I am and what values are important to me. Yes, most of my friends are married and having children but I am in this beautiful phase of life where I am finally learning to love myself and explore this beautiful world around me from the sunshine to flowers to rain to the cold snap of winter fading into spring. I am so happy for all the self-growth I have achieved in these few short months. For once, I am actually excited about life and living with intent and am waking up everyday feeling happy and grateful to be alive. Hell I even enjoy going to work most days now!
I'm hoping that the next quarter is going to bring about some more healthy positive changes, especially in terms of my physical health and appearance. I'm not sure if Zepbound is going to be available but I'm going to keep trying to contact pharmacies.
This was such a fun, uplifting post to write and I'm looking forward to writing another one in the next few months, probably towards the end of June or July!
Comments
Post a Comment