It's officially fall! The muggy, hot, humid weather would suggest otherwise but it's officially my favorite time of the year. I have been feeling quite down the past few weeks. In fact, my 45-day binge-free streak has been completely railroaded and I am a bloated mess right now from all the junk I have been putting into my body.
But I think I finally have things figured out.
Unfortunately, it does require me to stick around clinical medicine for a few more years to keep my "clinical clock" ticking and to make money. But, I am planning on leaving Northwell by the end of this year and moving back to Pittsburgh. Possibly taking January and/or February off as a reset. Around February or March, I am planning on going down to part time, around 24 hours per week of patient-care hours which translates to about 35-40 hours per week of total work time when you combine clinical + administrative + notes. Either part-time or if I cannot find any part-time positions, then I am thinking of looking into locums which pays better and has much more job flexibility. I think for me, continuity of care is a double-edged sword and I realize that I don't want to be anyone's pediatrician for their whole life. Just the thought of that responsibility makes me uncomfortable and riddles me with anxiety. What if I miss something that fucks them up for life? What if I misdiagnose them? Also, when you have been following patients for years and they suddenly turn on you or write a bad review about you - it hurts a lot more. So, the idea of a group practice where patients see multiple providers and only a handful really "follow" you seems actually much more appealing for me. At least someone else is also laying eyes on the kid just in case you miss something. I also love working with parents and children, but full-time pediatrics is very mentally exhausting. I'm hoping that going part-time will let me still enjoy pediatrics but allow me to spend time on myself to get my life back in order.
My ultimate long-term plan now is to eventually get out of clinical medicine completely in the next 2-3 years. As of this point, my plan is to eventually transition to non-clinical work ideally with a health insurance company or hospital-based administration. I would love to be able to just jump into that right now, but I don't have enough training or knowledge on the financial/business/management side of medicine and nobody wants to hire a pediatrician with only 4 years of experience. Therefore, I want to pursue an online MHA or MBA with healthcare focus degree to expand my skills and knowledge base. Hopefully going part-time will allow me to complete a master's degree with more ease.
And since I do have to go part-time and spend $$ for a master's degree, that means that I have to move out of New York. I love this city and it will always have my heart, but it is just unrealistic living here long-term. Even if I had a stable job, even if I had a partner. There is just too much crime, it's extremely expensive, there is much less savings potential, and to be fair it's becoming more and more congested. I loved having the opportunity to live here and make amazing friends, but as my friends start to grow their own families, all the fun Manhattan nights and rooftop bars and everything will sadly come to an end. As Im getting older, I want the slower pace and I want to be able to save money to buy a beautiful cookie-cutter Ryan Homes townhouse that I had always dreamed of. I also really miss my parents a lot. They are my grounding force and the only people in this world who truly unconditionally love me. And I want to be with them as they get older to be able to help them and spend the last years of their lives with them. So while I love New York, the mature side of me realizes that there is no future here and I have to be practical and move on for my mental, physical, and financial health.
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